Healing At A Trauma-Pace Doesn’t Work

The healing journey is such a funny thing, isn’t it?

It never ceases to amaze me how we can think we’ve healed or “moved beyond” a certain something in our lives, and yet we continuously are shown deeper and deeper layers to be worked through.

Like peeling off layers of the onion.

This is something that quick-fix spirituality and healing hates…

And I totally get that because that used to be me – cue old version of myself hopping from ceremony to ceremony, trying to heal my mother wound in one fell swoop 🥲

If only it were that easy….

One of my mentors Elizabeth Devaughn describes this as healing at a “trauma pace”, and that really struck me. It’s like getting stuck in the hyper-arousal, fight/flight, frenetic energy while trying to heal… As if you’re trying to run a super-marathon at a 100m sprint pace 😵‍💫😪.

As I’ve learned on my path through a lot of fumbles and hilarious attempts at blasting through my healing to-do list…

Healing at a trauma-pace simply doesn’t work.

Why?

Because true healing requires a felt sense of safety within the body, which often means slowing down, creating space, and paradoxically removing the pressure to “heal” all together.

It makes sense that your deepest wounds will only want to come out when they feel safe to do so, right?

This has been my experience – I’ve been able to access my deepest healing and realizations when I finally gave myself permission to slow the fuck down.

actual footage of me choosing to relax in an otherwise chaotic world

For me this looked like taking some time off work and moving to a small village deep in the mountains of Mexico, where for the first time in my life, I could just be.

And ok, I may have taken it to the extreme by choosing a place that didn’t even have cellphone signal…! But this experience gave me what my soul had been yearning for for YEARS. I got to walk barefoot through the mossy forest, bathe naked in the river, and attune my nervous system to the Earth…

And in this space of profound slowness and relaxation, something miraculous happened. For the first time in my life, my body truly felt safe… And it was ready to show me my deepest woundings – all the parts of myself I had been simultaneously seeking and rejecting my whole life. They finally felt safe to be seen once I stopped trying to force them to heal!

all my parts finally showing up for the party

And for full transparency, I also enlisted topnotch support with a somatic practitioner who was able to guide me into my depths. Her support was truly invaluable to my process, and 100% believe that we’re not meant to journey alone. What I will say though, is it was absolutely key that she:

→ was also deeply grounded and regulated,

→ wasn’t trying to fix, heal, or rush me

→ had done a substantial amount of inner work herself, and therefore

→ had the capacity to hold space for ALL of me.

And this work ultimately has made me a better facilitator and space holder for my clients… Whether it’s helping to transmute their fear of showing up on an IG live so that they can express their voice with confidence… Or overcome their fear of rejection so that they can share their beautiful gifts with the world!

I’ve become a safer and more effective guide because of my willingness to do the work on myself.

That’s not to say that I’m perfect or completely healed… of course not! I’m a human just like us all. However, I’ve embraced my unique healing journey, and I wish that for you as well 🤗

I’m not saying you need to quit your job, or move to Mexico, or even hire a coach or therapist in order to heal… Your journey is going to look completely different to mine!

Rather, can you surrender to the paradox that your most profound healing will probably take place once you stop trying?

Can you invite more spaciousness into your life, and give yourself permission to just be?

Can you find safety in slowing down and acceptance that you’re exactly where you need to be?

e x h a l e

Once I stopped trying to heal at a trauma-pace… And instead allowed myself to relax and enjoy the journey, life became a lot more enjoyable.

And I actually started to heal in a real, sustainable and lasting way.

And when we can create lasting change within ourselves, we can start to create lasting change in the world around us 💜

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